Father and Son
by Spike868
Summary: Angel's letter to Connor before NFA.


Father and Son

Summary: Angel writes a letter to Connor, telling him everything he ever wanted to. Post Not Fade Away.

_Connor, _

_It's your dad, Angel. Actually, you ought to know that my real name is Liam. After everything we've been through over the years, I feel like I owe you an explanation for everything that's ever gone wrong. So now, this is my chance._

_By now you will know that I am dead and gone, my spirit moved on to what some may call a better place. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. I'll be just fine as long as you are too. I just want you to have everything; everything that I couldn't give you. I want you to live a long and happy life, with those that you love around you. I want you to be successful in whatever you chose to do in life, but that you keep one thing in mind. Me. I don't want you to forget me, please Connor; don't ever forget the time we spent together._

_I 'm so sorry for what happened when you were born. Darla really did love you, and she told me to tell you. I guess this is really the first time I've told you and you've actually had a chance to believe me. She felt your soul Connor, and confessed to me how much love she felt for you. And I share the same love for you, only Darla couldn't keep hers. She died to give you life, Connor. Please don't deny that you know in your heart your true mother loved you dearly, so much so that she gave the most precious thing to her away. _

_The one thing I want to apologise for most is Quartoth. I felt so guilty when Holtz took you, because there was nothing I could do. He threatened to kill you if I came after him, so I had no choice. I would rather you have lived than die because I couldn't think of what was best for you, instead of me. And believe me, the choice I made definitely was not what was best for me. I suffered terribly, trying desperately to find you. I know that I told Holtz that I wouldn't come after you, but I had to. I couldn't let him take you away. I love you son, and I'm glad that you know that now. You mean so much to me, and Holtz took that away. But then when you came back, things changed. You changed. I'm so sorry that things turned out like they did. I'm sorry that you had to grow up in such a horrible place as a Hell Dimension; you deserve much better than that. I want you to have a better life than that._

The whole ordeal with Cordelia really tops off my sincere apologies to you, son. I want you to know that I understand your love for her, but I also want you to understand that she loved me and that I loved her. She told me that we couldn't be together because of the images in her head of the Beast, which upset me. But I knew that you still loved her, and that even now you still do. I want you to know that I don't hate you for what you did last year. You were troubled, worrying about Angelus, Jasmine, me and even yourself. I think you were unsure of your place last year, and that's what drove you to what you almost did. I know you were hurting, and you said some things to me in that department store that rocked me to my bones.

"_I must be your son, because I'm dead too" I remember was one phrase you said to me. And son, you're not dead. You're just starting your life. I know I wasn't there during your childhood, and I am so sorry for that. You have no idea how hurt I was at the thought of missing out on seeing you grow up. I bought little baby clothes and even a hockey kit for you, but they never got used. I hated the fact that you came back all grown up. I wanted to know you as a child, to teach you the ways of your father. Me. I wanted so much for you Connor, and all of it was taken away from me by the man you were raised to call father. _

_I want you to promise me one thing Connor, that you will never give up. I want you to have a family, a wife and kids. I want you to be happy in life, like I was when I got you back. Up until my recent actions, I've actually been happy. I'm getting old now, and even though vampires don't age in appearance I am so old I could be your great-great-great-great… you get the picture. _

_And Connor, even though I am old I remember when I was once like you are now. And I know that it's not easy. I just want you to keep living, keep doing what you do best. And take care of yourself. Take care of those you love. Even though I may be gone, that doesn't mean I am not still with you. You've got to swear don't forget to remember me_

_Angel._

Author's Note: Aww. I thought that turned out even better than I actually planned. Reviews anyone? BTW, I used lines from songs. Can you guess what they are? I've listed the songs below, try and work them out if you know the songs.

Cat Stevens – Father and Son (not just the title)

Jamison Parker – Paper Rock Scissors


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